The War After the War

We live in a time when war is, for lack of a better word, used. War is a big seller. Movies, books, video games and rhetoric about war have sold billions of dollars and won elections.

War is glamorized. We all know deep down that it is awful, that it means people are going to die, but most of us also realize that it is inevitable, and a necessary evil. I get that. It would be a bigger evil to allow the bullies of the world to get by with the atrocities that some of them carry out on innocent people. That is the catch. Somebody has to stand up to the bullies, to step in, intervene in the behalf of those who are too weak or oppressed to defend themselves. We call these people heroes, because they literally give up everything: their rights, their freedoms, their comforts and riches and sometimes their very lives for the dream of a safer, more free world.

Most of us are simply not willing to sign up for that sort of thing, but some do.

A few years ago our son made that choice. He knew full well what the risks were, but he took the oath, put on the uniform, suffered through boot camp, lived oversees for years and spent eleven months with his brothers of the 173rd Airborne Brigade in rugged and dangerous Afghanistan.

Pearman and Fitz OEFX

One of his closest buddies was 'Fitz'. Geoff Pearman and Mark Fitzgibbons were an odd couple of sorts, considering Geoff's passion for Oklahoma Sooner Football and Fitz's propensity to wear burnt orange and say things like, 'Hook 'em'. But Geoff and Mark liked each other instantly. They were both a little older than the other enlisted guys, and both had gone to college. They became friends, then battle buddies and eventually brothers. They had each other's backs. Fitz earned Geoff's trust early on when Mark was still one of the new guys. The platoon was preparing for deployment and on a training mission. Geoff was sick and having a lot of trouble staying hydrated and keeping up. Without hesitating, without being prompted, and in spite of Geoff resisting, Fitz took Geoff's 50 pound backpack, piled it on top of his own, and didn't miss a step.

See what I mean? That is why we call them heroes.

Well we do call them that.... While they're there. But what do we do with them after they come home? I mean all of us... As a people, a nation... for whom these guys risked everything. Are we honoring them when they get back? I dare say that we can do better. There are way too many OIF and OEF veterans who are not thriving.

When Geoff was preparing to come home and re-enter what we call, 'the real world' or civilian life, to be more proper, I was warned by other Army moms and wives to read up and prepare myself for....something. I wasn't sure what, but the warnings were ominous. How do you prepare for something when you don't even know what it is? PTSD? What actually is it? Would I recognize it? Would Geoff even know if he was suffering from it? I started reading what I could, but it was overwhelming, frankly. And it seemed pointless to dwell on negative thinking, so I stopped reading and just tried to 'be there' for Geoff in whatever way I could. He has been a civilian again for over a year, and is taking steps towards achieving his dreams and goals, but it has not been a piece of cake. I call the whole process,' The War After the War.'

Today Geoff will don his uniform again in a stark reminder that the war is not over... Not for him, not for his closest platoon brothers and certainly not for my friend, Kathy Fitzgibbons, who will bury her son, Mark today. Mark completed his duty as a soldier just a few months ago. He successfully dodged bullets, RPGs, and IEDs in OEFX, but did not survive the transition to civilian life. We don't know what happened yet, but we are all... Soldiers and families who knew and loved Fitz, suffocating in agonizing grief. 

Rest in peace, dear sweet sky soldier. You will never be forgotten.

Today

Today is Saturday, July 14, 2012. It is one day of my life.

 Sometimes I might over think things. My family would all be nodding in enthusiastic agreement to that statement. But seriously, have you ever thought about how special, amazing, precious, and brief one day can be. Some days are completely forgettable. Unfortunately, for most of us, I fear that most days are so. We allow days to just run together like scoops of different flavors of ice cream left in a bowl to melt. They turn into something much less appetizing than intended. Some days are written on our hearts like a monogram on a locket. There are the days we remember with much joy, such as the birth of a child. There are days that we would rather forget but cannot, like September 11, 2001.

But what about all of the days in-between?

I have often, in my over-thinking kind of way, wondered how I would feel if someone secretly videotaped my life and played it back for me. How many days would be video-worthy? If I sat down and said what my priorities are, would the video match the list, or am I kidding myself? I think I would want to edit that video. I would want it to show the days when I was most kind, productive, or generous. I don't think I would so much want to watch the days that I wasted on being unkind, unproductive, or selfish. According to my math, I have lived 20319 and 1/2  days so far. Twenty thousand, three hundred nineteen and one half! And every single one of those days has been lived as a citizen of the United States of America... the land of opportunity. As opposed to a lot of places in the world, this is a place where a person has a choice. We are born free. It is then up to us to decide what to do with that. We can soar or we can crawl. And so much of whether we end up at the top or bottom of the food chain  is what we decide to do with each one of the days that we've been given. And whether or not we would be proud of that videotape of our days is up to us too.

I don't know how many days I have left. None of us do. But I know that I want to soar, not crawl. I also want to be proud of that video. Maybe each day won't be front-page amazing, but if I set out to fill each day with purpose.... with kindness, productivity, generosity, wisdom, appreciation, and love, then the frames of that video will be one that I can be proud of.